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Published on November 8, by Kirsten Courault. Revised on October 13, One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays. Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay. Table of contents Essay 1: Sharing an identity or background through a montage Essay 2: Overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative Essay 3: Showing the influence of an important person or thing Frequently asked questions about college application essays. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity.
She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity. My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down. No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him?
Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox. Neither of us stands a chance! The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents. I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.
My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. Strong finished essay: Sharing an identity or background Making Sense of My Identity Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. First, the Sight Exhibit. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice. Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage. While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside.
The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk.
We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight. The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story.
The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. Weak rough draft: Overcoming a challenge One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best.
My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near. A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends i. I never had been. I just preferred football. My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it.
As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say. I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.
My broken ankle broke my spirit. My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were. In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know. Then there was that day in Mrs. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along.
Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it. With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best.
Then, it broke my ignorance. In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova. Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores.
As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done. When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better.
· College life is a world of one’s own choice. Each moment spent in a college is worth-living, worth-enjoyable and worth-remembering. The first day at college is really very · Essay 1: Sharing an identity or background through a montage. Essay 2: Overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative. Essay 3: Showing the influence of an Third, college admission essay is a challenging task that requires lots of time, efforts, research, sleepless nights and sacrificing your personal life. Ask any successful person, and we’ll tell Friends, friends, and more friends. You can never have enough friends. The more people, the better your experience will be. When you have friends, your time in college will fly by. You · Going to college is a whole knew experience, and it can be scary to some freshman. Going to college can be a great experience or it can not be a great experience it ... read more
Categories Academic Writing 23 Admission Essay Book Summaries College Tips Content Writing Services 1 Essay Help Essay Writing Help 76 Essays Blog 0 Example Infographics 2 Outlines Photo Essay Assignment 4 Resume Writing Tips 62 Samples Essays Writing Jobs 2. And third, be confident in a positive result when ordering a writing help! Free Essays - PhDessay. Find Free Essays We provide you with original essay samples, perfect formatting and styling. Having friends is what will make your college life experience the best experience ever. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.First, the Sight Exhibit. Are all the represented essay examples on the site free to use? A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge. Be the first in this race. It was indeed a completely new world for me. Such as managing my money, cooking by myself, doing washing clothes by myself. Mature students know that grades depend on college experience essay and formatting, college experience essay.